Why I don't let you look straight into my eyes

You presence is very intimidating. 
You are caught by surprise when I tell you this. 
You want to be friends with me like everyone else is,
so you enter into the conversations I am already in. 
But I simply slip away, leaving you with a bunch of strangers
that you would never talk to other wise.

 Why am I so elusive with you ?

Well, I think you look through people.
You will look through me.
I am afraid you will see my flaws and my scares. 
You will look deep into my soul and discover is hollowness.
You will judge me and perhaps despise me.

I didn’t intend to leave behind this trail of white pebbles that led you into my life.
It's quite the opposite.
My thoughts feel so naked when you look into my eyes.
I don't know if it's the joy that you get when you make people realise how fake they are 
or you are simply intrigued by my elusiveness.
Whatever it may be, I m not prepared to be looked deep into, not right now. 

My wounds are still raw.
My pain surfaces at times.
My thoughts are untamed.
and my skin is too delicate to hold my emotions together.

May be in the future, I would be your company and 
we could discuss world hunger problems over coffee. 
And I will make you laugh till your stomach hurts.
You are not wrong about my spirits. 
Right now, I am not that person.
I am not the girl who can defend the spuriousness of her smile, 
when you strip it in public.
Or counter attack you with my smart mouth.

Right now, I m just a girl. 
who doesn’t want to be seen, 
and whose thoughts are best left unheard.


.........................................................................................................................................................